neverland

Thursday, April 14, 2005 / 11:42 PM

love me when i'm gone.

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hold me down. hold me tight.

Sunday, March 27, 2005 / 5:44 PM

xxxxxx
xxxooo
xxoxxx
oooxxo
xxxooo
oooooo
oooxxx

don't stop..

ilyf

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to love\hate in equal measures

Saturday, March 26, 2005 / 8:49 AM

i hate feeling like my life is dangling precariously on one tiny finger on the edge of a ravine; i am aching to gain more ground whilst my deadweight of a body constantly reminds me of gravity's insistent presence.

i am waiting for rescue, i am waiting for you.

my bleeding heart is beating against her will. last night was hellish. i had to intention of waking up for fear my nightmares will spill into today. kept waking up with my body shaking involuntarily (i hate the fact that my bed reminds me of you) trying so so hard to put you out of my mind for awhile because i didnt want to think\bear the consequence if i woke up finding you wouldn't be there in the morning. or for that matter, all my mornings for the rest of my declining existence.

i love you so much it hurts. heartbreak has and always will be the last thing on my mind.

someone CHANGE me, please.

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blessed

Monday, February 28, 2005 / 11:17 PM

i am satisfied. cannot stop smiling. giving thanks to the Lord like nobody's business. i am so blessed.

so maybe i didnt do as well as top scorers but i am happy! hehe.

EL - A1
Lit - A1
Combined Humans - A2
Chi - A2
Emath - A2
Amath - A2
Phys - B3
Chem - B3
HCL - B4

+ 4 bonus

so. 10-4= 6

i am satisfied.

AND I DONT HAVE TO EAT MY SHOE BECAUSE I DIDNT LOSE THE BET! hah. take that, my "0mr TEN A1s" boyfriend.

hehe.

praise ye the Lord (x

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to show the fight was valiant

Sunday, February 27, 2005 / 10:34 PM

my fingers are freshly washed. water (like a hungry satin curtain) delicately licked and sucked and trickled away the thin film of juice (persimmon & wine grapes) that coated my fingers.

but that was two minutes ago.

and tmr i will be able to say (with re. to my official start to JC life), but that was two months ago.

it is a scary thought (i am alarmed & disarmed) that two mths, no - THREE mths have passed me by. my new life has knocked the wind out of me like an androgynous thai boxer locked in a deathmatch with his/her sandbag. i am now fully aware of myself, people, love, thanksgiving, need, want, schedule, NEED MORE TIME, mortality, opportunity, opportunity cost...

and just two minutes ago i was composing a sweet refrain with my lips wet and pressed against the creamy flesh of an overripe persimmon. i am deft at stripping the fruit of its vermillion angry orange skin, i like little sounds the little seeds make when i bite into them - perhaps i take some kind of sadistic pleasure when it bursts in my mouth, tie-dyeing my mouth in happy colours with the overpowering explosion of its juice.

then my fingers -still sticky sweet- found new toys to loll around with: wine grapes are christmas baubles of an aged sweetness. (maybe they taste better with time.) i have also lost interest in continueing this bit of silly prose. all this is merely a veil that's failing to cover-up my faltering faith in my own abilities; i am a nervous wreck inside. my heart isn't beating properly my chest hurts and i don't want tomorrow to come because DEAR GOD I CANNOT FACE THIS HURDLE ON MY OWN.

i don't want to have to go away from too many things, from a life which i may have established too early.

and yet, i know i will learn to take comfort in that God will be strong in my weakness.


'when you know someone prays for you, it is comforting and special. now what when jesus says that he himself prays for you?'

'Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.'
-- John 17:20-26

all my prayers have been said; i've even said them for you.

to everyone retrieving the long-awaited O lv results tmr: all the best, and may His blessings be bestowed upon you in abundance.

cheers, all.

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05A13

Tuesday, January 04, 2005 / 9:40 PM

that's my CT for hcjc(= it's been a very boring start to the new year and i am crazy envious at the peeps in rj.. they seem to be having SO MUCH MORE FUN! which is always why i'm all a-tingle in anticipation for the REAL start of the REAL (fun) orientation tmr.

also, cannot wait to start lit lessons again(= wahaha. i need essay writing practice man.

had lovely romantic dinner at newton circus with my baby today - next time i wont eat charsiew noodles anymore.. you can be my dinner lol. i meeees yooou!

okay shall go pack for tmr.. am in desperate need of sleeeeep.

<33

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2005

Saturday, January 01, 2005 / 1:11 PM

it's the first day of the new yr and i feel so hung-over! shall negate mentioning the yuckier parts of the evening and simply say that I LOVE MY KINDERGARTEN and JOSHUA+JIN RUI: THANK YOU FOR REMEMBERING ME.

in a nutshell, my new yr's eve was about mahjong, SHOES <33 (i have 20+ new pairs of shoes, which means i have bought 50+ pairs of shoes this yr ahahhha), my first car accident, photographs and late night movies.

i am happy to have found my friends whom i thought i'd lost. they used to be my world.. and then i grew up and forgot. it is simply heartwarming to know that they remember. that somewhere out there, i have someone (or rather, some people) who sigh at our old photos when the world was all fun and play and games and each other and love was truly innocent, and wonder if they'd ever see their long-time friend (me) again.

the last time i saw joshua and jin rui was TEN years ago.(=

thank You, God for giving me friends.

happy new year, e v e r y o n e!

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